More tragedy in my life has prevented me from writing sooner, but I think I can finally talk about it without bursting into tears.

Bella was the best snuggler

We lost our first little girl- the one with fur and four legs- on August 12th.  Bella the pug was 2 1/2 years and had more personality and love and spunk than most people I know.  She was so much more than a dog- she really was part of the family and my heart is still broken over her passing.  It was completely utterly unexpected- she suddenly just wasn’t right, I went to the vet right away because I thought her shoulder was out of the socket, and she never came home.  Making that decision was heart wrenching and I still feel a ton of guilt even though I know logically it was the right one.  Our house is completely different without her- our daily activities are duller and being home just isn’t as much fun.  I long for her more than I can describe and it’s been really tough going for both Josh and I.

But we’re really trying to focus on the good. We’re not healed and not sure if we ever will be, but learning how to cope at least.

Cape May Lighthouse

This past weekend was my father’s family memorial service in Cape May, New Jersey.  Josh and I drove down with my mother and brother on Friday night, arriving in New Jersey at 5 am Saturday morning and spent Saturday, Sunday and Monday surrounded by family.  We stayed with my Aunt Sylvia who is a hoot to be around and each day saw my grandmother- Grandmom Betty who is now 91.  She is absolutely amazing- cynical, hilarious, energetic- I was constantly proud of the genes in my family.  My father had 4 sisters (all married) and there are 12 of us grandchildren (9 married) and 17, going on 19 great-grandchildren.  Of the whole bunch my grandfather  and my father are the only ones who have passed.  Both of my grandmother’s sisters are still around too.

Two fun anecdotes- Grandmom Betty was originally unsure if she would be able to make it up because she didn’t want to travel from Florida by herself.  I asked her if she flew alone and without missing a beat she said, “Well, they did let some other people on the plane with me.  They didn’t make me fly it.”  One of the little guys around (my cousin Mary Ann’s son Aodhan) told Grandmom Betty he knew she was old because she had wrinkles and spots.  My comment was “I think that’s the only way any of us know she is old.”

Faith, Hope, and Grandmom Betty

Another great part of the weekend was getting to spend time with the newest family edition- Hope.  Cousin Faith gave birth to this magnificent little girl just over 3 months ago and Josh and I decided we wanted to put in our order for a baby like her.  She was so easy going and accepting of all of the different people.  Great facial expressions- a real joy to spend time with.  What I liked most though was it got Josh even more excited and he’s declared several times since that he’s ready and can’t wait for our little girl to be here too.

There were two main events of the weekend- the first of course was my father’s actual memorial.  We (10 of the 12 cousins; all 4 of his sisters; my grandmother; my mom; brother Colin; Josh; my Aunt Sylvie- my mom’s sister; my 3 cousins on my mom’s side who spent almost 30 years with their Uncle John; Kay; Dad’s cousin Mary Beth; and a few of my dad’s best friends) gathered at Cape May Point’s bird observatory and shared a few memories.  The wind was strong and didn’t let us forget about the nature which was the reason the spot was chosen.  My Aunt Judy lead everyone, dad’s cousin Mary Beth and my Aunt Sylvie read poems, Grandmom Betty thanked us all, my mom thanked my dad for giving her Colin and myself and also her love of pyrotechnics and Josh almost blew the whole thing by saying, “This is all bullshit” but recovered when he continued with ” I say that because we all know if John was here, he’d be muttering it in the back, and now we don’t have him here to say the inappropriate things or make an ass of himself.”  I think we all decided Josh had self-selected to take that role on to fill the void.

Mary Ann, Melanie, and Aunt Sylvie at the Baby Shower

Baby shower onlookers- Josh, Grandmom Betty, and Aunt Judy

The second event was that my aunts and cousins, lead by my Aunt Sylvie, threw me a NJ baby shower!  I was completely, utterly overwhelmed.  The amount of adorable pink outfits really started solidifying that this parasite thing is actually real and she’ll be here before we know it.  I got some really nifty things, some gift cards to target, and a ton of great advice.  It was amazing and I’m so thankful!  We talked about how the day turned out to be celebrating not only my father’s life and the ending of it, but the beginning of another.  I don’t see these people often enough!

Overall, the weekend was great.  Relaxing, adventurous (I swam in the ocean and Colin and I had a great time with the huge swells and waves and dodging and diving to avoid them crashing on us and Josh and I had a great time walking on the beach at night following ghost crabs), and truly a great memorial period.

I miss my dad.  I wish he could be around for all of the changes that are happening!  I miss Bella.  I’m incredibly disappointed I won’t get to experience her stealing baby toys and the interaction between my two baby girls.  But Baby is coming (her feet and elbows and head don’t let me forget it!) and the biggest changes are still on the horizon.

Thanks to cousin Beth for the photos- I linked to her whole album on my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/meghan.mcginley