Tomorrow is the due date!  I’m glad I read that only 20% of babies are actually born on their due date.  My checkup this morning included my first cervical check.  I’m 1 cm dialated and 50% effaced but Baby is still really high and hasn’t moved down into position, so right now it’s looking like the weekend may be it.  I had predicted Saturday the 5th for a while now… let’s see!  What’s your guess for the actual day/time?

Big Belly!

The couple of extra days will help- we’re getting ready but there are still things to do.  I haven’t chosen a pediatrician yet and there will always be things to do in the house still.  And there is still the issue of the name.

Things that we have completed though:

• The baby room is actually coming along.  I just wanted it ready enough to put clothes away and organize the amazing gifts we’ve received and have the changing table all set and for the most part, that is all done.  Josh set up the crib with the rain forest mobile we got and it really made it real that she’s coming!
• I think we have pretty much everything we need.  A few odds and ends- nursing bras, etc, but the cloth diapers are mostly in and ordered and between the two amazing showers I had- one in Maine and one thrown by the best coworkers on the planet- we’re good!
• The baby bag is packed and my hospital bag is at least completely planned with the list of what needs to go in it

I can’t help but be nervous, but I feel like it’s at least justified.  I am more excited to meet her though- I just want to know she’s ok and healthy and all of that.  I want to get a sense of her personality.  I’m very much trying not to think about the tragedies that I know about of things that have happened soon after birth.  Josh admitted to me last week that he too was nervous and worried.  “What if when she’s 13 she doesn’t want to go to the aquarium with me anymore?” he fretted.  What a great positive outlook.

I’m feeling ok overall.  Sitting in normal chairs and walking around for too long definitely gets painful and there are just a lot of strange sensations going on.  I went on maternity leave last week which has left me with mixed feelings- though being able to take a bath or nap in the afternoon has been really nice!  I’ve been trying to stay active in short bursts- I drove out to western MA 2 weekends ago for a  convention and did ok with the 18 hour day and 4 hours in the car, I helped cook Thanksgiving dinner, I went to a friend’s for games after Thanksgiving, went to Lowell’s Festival of Wreathes and winter festivities this Saturday with my mom and brother, went to Monday Night Board Game Night last night and stopped into work today for a couple of hours.  Trying to keep routines now before everything changes!

On my list for the hospital is my laptop so when the time actually comes, I can keep updates and journal my experiences!

So I’ve called 12/5 at 1:30 pm as the actual time- get into the pool now!

I haven’t had the heart to update recently, though I’ve been on an emotional roller-coaster that had one to many loop-de-loops and about ten-to-few puke bags.

On May 24th I lost my father.

Though my brain knew it was coming, I didn’t believe it was so soon and it really hit hard.  The aftermath has been much harder than I could have prepared for.  All of the father’s day paraphernalia hasn’t been helping.  I thought if I wrote a blog too soon, I’d just say things I’d later regret, so it took some time.

About a week after his passing I had another appointment- this time a general check up and I would get to hear the heartbeat.  I think I was more nervous than ever.  I had so many horrible visions of showing up and them not being able to find the heartbeat and like a prize I didn’t earn, the thrill of impending parenthood would be yanked away.  I was also terrified my health would be way out of whack.  I’m feeling so bloated and yucky (haven’t been to the gym in so long and I ache everywhere because of it) and the stress couldn’t be good for my blood pressure.  I was terrified all day before the appointment.

But going in first good news was my weight was lower than it has been yet, and my blood pressure was good (117/70ish).

When the little wand came out to hear the heartbeat, the midwife told me not to worry if she couldn’t find it right away.  “It’s pretty small, so it’s going to take some routing around so it could take 5 minutes or so.

She touched the wand to my stomach and almost immediately heard a whoom-whoom-whoom.

It was like my worries melted away.

At least when I was sick I knew something was going on with my body.  But I’m still not showing at all and besides constipation and a headache that won’t go away, I’m feeling fine.  This period in between morning sickness and feeling the baby move around inside is filled with worry.

But today I hit 16 weeks and this is when the books say I might start feeling movement.

I’m “listening” very hard.  When I go to bed at night I just focus on the feelings in my belly to see if any “flutters” or “popcorn bubbles” or anything of the like appear.  Of course they all do.  But I think if anyone paid attention to the feelings in their belly enough, they’d all feel a baby kick regardless of the presence of an actual fetus.

Tomorrow I have the blood screen done to test for all of the wonderful things that could be wrong, but surprisingly I’m not too worried.

Next appointment is July 9th and it’s the big day of gender discovery!  3 weeks from tomorrow!

But the big milestone is waiting for the baby to move around so I can feel it.  Until then (and probably after), I await in worry.

Yesterday I hit 12 weeks.  My book says that this is the time that nausea and fatigue should stop and I should start feeling “normal” again. (Another says 14 weeks but I choose to believe the earlier prediction).

So that’s it!  The book said it’s so, so it will be so!  No more nasuea and the next few months will be full of energy.

I celebrated by going to the gym and then eating chocolate ice cream.

My food aversions have been weird and unpredictable.  I haven’t had any desire for chocolate, nor ice cream, usually my two favorite food groups.  Instead I’ve been craving fruit and fruit flavored things.

I’m doing well without coffee or caffeine.  Finally.  I don’t even really desire coffee, but I definitely can sympathize with an ex-smoker who enjoyed the habit of smoking more than the cigarette itself.  Same with alcohol.  On Cinco de Mayo I really wanted a Margarita, but more because it was a habit.  It’s a gorgeous almost-summer day here in Massachusetts today and my brain desires a cold beer even though my stomach and body are fine without it.

I’m having fun making and enjoying new “cocktails”.  My current favorite is grapefruit juice, soda water and a pinch of sugar to cut the sourness.

I’m still worried about everything.  I can’t help but having the thoughts “each new person I tell is one more person I’ll have to tell if things go wrong”.  Every little abdominal pain causes mini panic attacks.  I’m tempted to go onto pregnancy forums to just ask (and set my mind at ease hopefully) “I’ll know if I’m having a miscarriage right?  Right?!”

I didn’t really mind the nausea and fatigue.  They at least reminded me that something was going on in my body.  Their absence is almost more troublesome than their symptoms.   Monday was a particularly sick feeling day and Josh texted me with, “Remember- nausea is just the fetus’s way of giving you a hug!”

I do still have a pregnancy test left…  I may just pee, one more time, to set my mind at ease.

On Friday we had our first ultrasound!

First Ultrasound

I had been counting the days until this event.  IT still didn’t feel real and I almost felt like I needed visual proof.  My worry sensor is still going strong and I wanted to be told that things were good and everything looked ok.

Learned something new about pregnancy!  No such thing as privacy anymore!  The ultrasound had to be done intervaginally.  And my follow up with my midwife involved another pap smear.  Josh was in for a ride!

I was amazed though how much the baby moved.  Every time I shifted or laughed, s/he jumped all over and looked like he was swimming.  It was adorable!  Definitely made us both feel so much better and excited.  I think I’m still glowing a bit.

That night I made the announcement- on Facebook.  Gotta love technology!  Not only can I alert a group all at once, but this whole journal will be preserved digitally for the parasite to read someday!  Welcome to the 21st Century!

What I’m looking forward to the most in my pregnancy: feeling the baby kick and move. That will really solidify the reality of it for me and I feel like it will be my first introduction to this new person about to come into the world.

What I’m most not looking forward to in my pregnancy: getting stupid and forgetful. IQ can drop dramatically during pregnancy and I’m definitely not looking forward to that.